Spare a thought - One

A recent report by the World Bank on youth development in Kenya should not spring too many surprises on the intelligent reader who follows youth issues with interest, assuming it has its facts right. However, the huge percentage of young prison inmates, aged between 16 and 25, the almost two million 5- to 17-year olds in child labour, the 40% of uneducated girls who have had a child by the age of 20, the high rate of attempted suicides and depressed youngsters, as well as the deep distrust between young people and our police, should make us sit up and think. Information like this is an invitation to search for the roots of the problem rather than, in tried and tested Kenyan manner, bring down the stick harder, whether in school or court, or the kiboko at home; even less, throw up our arms in pretended horror and despair.

The report shows signs of getting at the root when it mentions the family as a source of risks and protection. Risks, it means presumably, when the family is not fully constituted (usually, not always, because it is the father who has abandoned his responsibility) and is not doing its job properly. In a well-functioning family, the parents set the example, give of their affection and time -not quality time, but hours of quantity time- to bring up the children as good people and citizens, to play a positive part in society. But, in the same breath, the report messes its bib by recommending a lift of the ban on the discussion of contraceptives in primary and secondary schools, and asking the government to make sure schools impart teaching on sexual and reproductive health at an early age. It is not up to the World Bank, or any other secular institution, including the Ministry of Education, to enforce this. Least of all in primary schools! Only the parents can decide such a matter, since it touches on the most intimate aspect of their children's lives, which no outsider may violate without their permission, which, if they are sensible, they will make very sure not to give. Experience in many countries which have allowed or imposed sex education in schools has not been positive long- or short-term, and is most likely accountable for the high pregnancy and abortion rates among teenagers. Let us learn the lesson and not take a step in the wrong direction, which is difficult to reverse.

Most young men who land in prison have not known a strong, disciplined but loving fatherly figure in their lives. I have sometimes wondered if it is worse for a boy to grow up without knowing his father -because his father died or left his mother- or with an incompetent father, that is incompetent in his role as father. Many boys in the slums don't know a father but, in most cases, grow in responsibility because they have to. They grow up tough, and consider as softies their age mates who live in stone-walled houses, sit in easy chairs, sleep on soft mattresses, go to school by bus or car, and enjoy three meals every day. For them, all of these are unnecessary luxuries. They grow up needing and needed by their mothers, and every coin that comes their way must go towards the survival of their nearest and dearest. Boys urgently need a good male role model who is close to them - who they can emulate, and from whom they learn what it is to be a responsible grown man. Often they will find such a person in an uncle, older brother, sports coach, club leader, priest or pastor. Because of the strong community sense in the slum, everyone has access to the important events and information, which is crucial for survival, so any theft, crime or misdemeanour will quickly be spotted and, not only in the case of the young, be punished or corrected. To a certain extent, the community, or some of its members, play the vicarious role of father.

But a boy in the estates or residential areas who is badly brought up by a father who is not bothered, is too busy to worry about and spend time with the children, and who loses interest in the boys once the troubled years of adolescence suddenly arrive, is at much greater risk. Such parents often spoil their children by trying to buy their happiness, when what the boys need is for dad to sit down and chat with them, even look them in the eye and smile at them. They need a role model, not money to buy a better this or a bigger that, which they will soon get tired of. When dad does not give them his attention, they will try to attract it in less desirable ways. Disillusioned and discouraged that their fathers do not fulfil their real needs, and by now too old to take notice of their mothers, they will look for other role models. And since they have not been disciplined with love, or taught right and wrong through example, they will be taken in by the first sweet talker, with his flashy smile and promises of money, power, and sleek cars. Before they realise it, they are handling guns, drugs, and stolen vehicles, and are drawn into a life of crime. Slum dwellers will tell you that most of the real hard criminals in the slums -not the petty offenders- are those from the neighbouring estates who go there to hide in the busaa joints, shacks and alleyways, and who bring down the wrath of the forces of the law. They think that in so doing they become tough guys and get rid of their softie image. Hence, the earnest appeal from the slums for community policing.

Kenyan fathers, take on your responsibilities like men. If your sons turn out badly, do not blame their mother. When a son loses the cuteness of his young years, he needs you more than ever. This is the moment when it is fatal to be a coward. A youth has to find his identity, assert himself, and take on his role as man, father and husband. And this he must learn from you. Remember: he is watching you all the time. If he doesn't know what your work-place is like, how you act at work, or how your work colleagues are; how you make your money and spend it; how your opinions are on life and work and so many other matters, but sees that you are interested only in his school report, and why isn't he the top of the class all the time, then how can you expect him to be the upstanding, well-rounded character you are proud to have, and present to others, as your son?

There is simply no substitute for a father, and for a stable family with a father playing his role as a wise, firm, loving head. Once many more Kenyan fathers -especially those with more means - realise this and act on it, we could begin to see our violent crime rate drop and our prisons begin to empty.